Just as there’s no magic remedy for blocking out the jiggling, there is also nothing you can do to block out the smell. Hostels are sometimes so keen to cram in as many people as possible, they don’t consider that all these people will have at least one wet towel to hang out every morning, consequently many hostel rooms smell damp and sweaty.

I have stayed in hostels that smell so strongly of cannabis that I’m sure I will wake up stoned just by sleeping there, and I have also stayed at hostels where people stay in bed all day, either sleeping, or glued to their phones with the lights off and the curtains shut, just like there always has to be a meerkat standing guard on sentry duty, these backpackers seem to think that there always has to be at least one person in a bed, meaning the room never has an opportunity to rid itself of the stench of several sweaty sleepy humans.

Sometimes when a fire alarm summons us all out of bed at 3 o’clock in the morning and we all have to stand on the street for half an hour, I wonder if it really was an illicit cigarette or a piece of burnt toast that set it off, or if it is just the hostel’s way of getting everyone out of the room so that they can give the room a bit of space to breath away from all the smelly people.