You can spot them all a mile off
The tourists who visit St. Ives
Cos they all wear shorts and smile much more
Than they would in their usual lives

I selected my prey quite early on
Doing cartwheels down by the sea
And I thought “I like the look of her
I hope she’s staying for tea.”

She went out on a boat trip first
Then she swam in her bikini
Without a second glance at me
The brazen blonde haired meanie

But finally she got hungry
And then I got my wish
When she sauntered out of the takeaway
With lots of chips and fish

She found a spot upon the sand
I swooped down to say hi
She said “you’re getting none of this
So go away, goodbye!”

I could not believe the rudeness
When she’d made me wait all day
She opened up the box of food
I thought “it’s time to play.”

I quickly hopped towards her
But she’d met my type before
She ate a chip, then closed the box
“Right,” I squawked “it’s war.”

“You know you can’t eat all those chips
And sharing would be kind
But if you won’t play nicely
I’ll attack you from behind.”

I calmly stood behind her
Out of mind and out of sight
Until she took another chip
And went to take a bite

I flew in and attacked her
I grazed her bottom lip
And victory was all mine
As I flew off with her chip

She wasn’t very happy
Said things I won’t repeat
And quickly grabbed the flip flops
That had once been on her feet

She threw a shoe towards me
As the blood dripped down her chin
And said “you won’t get another
I’d rather throw them in the bin.”

I didn’t like her sentiment
I knew just what to do
I raised my head and squawked out loud
So my friends would join me too

We formed a circle round her
And squawked and hopped about
She wasn’t very happy
Of this there was no doubt

We didn’t get another chip
But I still think that we won
Cos she was quite annoyed with us
Whilst we were having fun

And when her trip was over
I watched her from afar
Then flew ahead and left
A giant present on her car