A British man on holiday with his family in New Zealand has adopted a different voice which he uses whenever he needs to address a family member.

Onlookers at the popular beach spot of Kaiteriteri had no choice but to listen as the man followed his toddler up and down the shoreline phrasing all instructions as questions such as “shall we take our shoes off?” and “shall we roll up our trousers?”

Caroline Gough who was sunbathing nearby told us: “You don’t need to have a degree in English Language and Linguistics to find a million things wrong with his sentences. The only person having their trousers rolled up or taking their shoes off was the kid. The Dad hovered awkwardly behind. It was clear that he isn’t used to spending much time with his son.”

Caroline explained “Then his wife appeared in hysterics and he said to her ‘let’s all calm down shall we?’ until she managed to explain that she’d lost Maggie, and then he freaked out too. I thought maybe Maggie was a dog or another child, particularly when the wife said that Maggie is always running off, but it turned out that Maggie is the man’s mother.”

When Maggie appeared 7 minutes later, it transpired that she had not “run off” but had instead gone to the tourist kiosk to find out about boat trips. Caroline explained “although Maggie already had the information, the man grabbed the leaflet and spent several minutes deciphering it. He told his mother that ‘we don’t want anything too strenuous for you now, do we?’ even though she looks fitter than he is.”

The man spent a further few minutes looking at the leaflet before using his patronising voice to explain to his family that they would catch the boat at 12:40 to go on a nice relaxing cruise. Several onlookers at the beach immediately started looking at their watches and phones to see how far away 12:40 was.

The wife then became hysterical once more upon the realisation that they had lost Teddy. Caroline told us “I just assumed Teddy would be a soft toy, but in fact Teddy is their son. He had wandered along the beach a little bit, probably seeking a bit of quiet away from his parents.”

Once reunited with Teddy, the man said to his family “Shall we have a wee wee?” and then without waiting for a reply, he herded everyone off towards the toilets.